Divorce sucks. Being divorced does not.

Divorce sucks.

There. I said it.

I have been there. I have done that. I have watched people be shocked by my public announcement. I have felt shame without any logic behind it. I have felt judged, especially by those that didn’t know me or my then husband. I have cried because I didn’t know what else to do. I have felt lonely. I have felt lost. I have felt like I didn’t know what to expect. I have felt like a failure. I have felt like there wasn’t going to be life after divorce.

Let me go ahead and give a spoiler alert: Divorce is not the end of the world. It is not the end of your life. It is not the end of your social life. It is not the end of your future love life. It isn’t the end of anything unless you make it the end of things.

Divorce is a time to wipe the slate clean and hit the reset button on life. It’s a great time to start doing things you wanted to do before but didn’t for whatever reason. Some people start working out, some start going to church, some start going to therapy (which I highly recommend), some start getting out more with friends, some find a creative outlet, some find a profitable hobby, whatever it is: It’s the start of finding your new happily ever after.

Divorce is a time to start new traditions. There is no rule saying that you can’t keep some of the ones that you used in your previous life. Let’s be real: You have likely been looking for a reason to throw some of your lesser loved traditions out the window. Now is that time. You can integrate new things with old and create a comfortable time for yourself.

Divorce is a time to do some introspection. Let me channel my inner Tom Ellis from Lucifer for a minute: What is it that you really desire? Make that list. Your list can be short term goals, long term goals, what you want in your next partner, what you do not want in your next partner, what your next three vacation spots are going to be, set boundaries for family, whatever. List it. Talk about it. Speak it into fruition. While you are at it, take time to look at yourself and learn about who YOU are.

Divorce is a time to be kind to yourself. Take time to yourself, whether it is quiet time or a night out for dinner and a cocktail. Take care of yourself, mentally and physically. You can’t go on with being the best you if you aren’t looking out for yourself. Take all the time that you need to feel the emotions, even if they are irrational, running through you.

I could keep going, but I think you get the picture. I may not be Dr. Love or the ultimate relationship guru but I do excel in helping people take the first step in one of the hardest decisions of their lives and helping them realize that while the process of divorce sucks, being divorced does not suck.