Nightmare on Main Street

It’s taken me ten months to take a deep breath and re-visit this story.

Planning my dream wedding has never been a bucket list item for me. Those that know me, know that the last time I tied the knot I did it in Vegas and held back the urge to have a $300, sweaty, Great Value Elvis be the one crooning my vows. 

This time I wanted to do it differently with a little more effort and surrounded by close loved ones. I also wanted to have an event where my parents could be there since I didn’t have any family at my first wedding ceremony. We came up with the perfect date (April Fool’s Day!) to “punk” our guests into thinking they were being invited to a formal engagement dinner, instantly let my photographers in on the secret and threw money at them before anyone else could claim that date, hired a full service caterer that definitely was not the cheapest in town, opted to serve only the wines I personally picked/loved, decided on simple decor (enough candles to land a 737 on and eucalyptus garland with a few gold accents here and there), and most importantly: a beautiful venue in a great location that was small enough to make this event feel intimate. 

I knew of just the place (see the photo below). In 2020 before Covid chaos broke loose, I had done hair and make-up for photoshoots that were taking place at a stunning little venue that I was determined to make up a reason to host an event at. This place was so beautiful that even the bathrooms were lovely.

Sounds like heaven, right? Wrong. I didn’t realize I had given my money to a local, small business that has a different view on marriage than I do. Silly me – I didn’t Google reviews on my wedding venue (and I have done bridal make-up on and off for 16 years!). I went based on the aforementioned things that describe the venue as well as how kind the owner was at the time that I met her. 

9 days before my wedding, a screenshot about the venue not allowing same sex marriages at their venue spread like a wildfire across Facebook in various groups and on friend’s timelines. I was mortified but one of my best friends assured me that none of my friends would think any less of me over an honest mistake. If you’ve ever planned a wedding (a surprise wedding especially) on your own, you know it’s stressful. I couldn’t even wrap my head around relocating – especially when most places that could have accommodated this soirée wouldn’t allow my already paid for in full caterer to do the food for the event and the other spaces would not fit the aesthetic of the decor that was already boxed up and neatly labeled, ready for April 1.

8 days before my wedding, I get a text from my photographer letting me know that someone had screenshot a (non-threatening, non-vulgar) comment she had made on one of the many threads about the venue and sent it to the venue owner. Next thing I know, I’ve got an e-mail in my inbox from the owner of the venue giving me these two options:

1.     Have her refund my money and find a new venue. 

2.     Fire my photographer over a Facebook comment. She would gladly find me an “approved” photographer (which there is no mention of approved anything in my contract, they had an open vendor policy). 

She ended her email with “I know you’ve had a rough go of things during your planning process, and I hate to be another roadblock. I’m so sorry you’re in the middle of all of this. If you would like to hop on a call to discuss I’ll be available after 2pm today.” Wait, did she just acknowledge that she put her client in the middle of this bullshit? The answer is yes. 

After a very kind response with a counteroffer of please-don’t-ruin-my-big-day-8-days-before-the-event crafted by my wonderful fiancé, we got a response: “Cassandra- I promise I haven’t forgot about you. I’m going to collect my thoughts, get my emotions in check and I’ll respond to your email tomorrow. Thank you for your patience as I work through how to deal with this.” WAIT A DAMN MINUTE, did she just admit that she was still considering ruining my day over her own emotional whatever in the hell? Again, the answer is YES. 

We waited 24 hours. Longest 24 hours of making sure other vendors could change venues on a whim, calling/e-mailing other venues (which only one ever responded back to me as of the following Wednesday – so to those of you thinking I’m a shitty person for not jumping ship, there’s that), spoiling the surprise aspect of my wedding to one of my friends/guests to enlist her help scouting out new spots, as I angrily cried to the point of christening two brand new bath towels with anxiety barf. My fiancé decided it was time to call her. He had to make the call because otherwise I’m sure I’d have gotten hung up on after the first sentence came out of my mouth. 

She gave in. Maybe her “good Christian” facade wanted to stay intact. Maybe she knew that I’d make sure to coordinate a flash mob style same sex make out party in front of her venue every Friday and Saturday night. Maybe it’s because my fiancé let her know that I had recently been to the hospital due to a suspected heart attack. Maybe common sense prevailed. Who knows. What I do know is: next time I throw a party, I’m combing through venue reviews with a fine-tooth comb. 

If your religious views align with the ones of this venue, that’s fine – everyone can have their opinion. If you still want to gamble having an event there, just know that there’s the potential that she might have beef with one of your vendors last minute or have some sort of emotional crisis and try to fuck your world up. To the venue owner and all other business owners that are brazen enough to post your religious or political views openly on social media, your website, so on: You can do that. You are allowed to have an opinion, but no one can protect you from the backlash you’ll receive.

As for my wedding? It was perfect. Zero things went wrong – other than me not taking all of the leftovers home. Everyone played nice (and my officiant got some digs in while helping my husband decorate the venue). I’ve never seen my mother smile so much. I got to eat delicious food with my favorite people. I drank so much good champagne. I couldn’t stop laughing all night. I could feel the love in the room.

My Facebook post from 2020. Maybe I jinxed myself?